Anonymous
Alimony: the cash surrender value of a husband.
Anonymous
Bigamy is having one husband too many.
Monogamy is the same.
Anonymous
A husband always prefers his wife's mother-in-law to his own.
Bennett Arnold 1867-1931
The Title
Being a husband is a whole-time job. That is why so many husbands fail. They cannot give their entire attention to it.
Chaucer Geoffrey c.1343-1400
The Canterbury Tales
‘My lige lady, generally,' quod he,
‘Wommen desiren to have sovereynetee
As wel over hir housbond as hir love.'
Eliot George 1819-1880
Middlemarch
A woman, let her be as good as she may, has got to put up with the life her husband makes for her.
Elizabeth II Queen
(or her 25th Wedding Anniversary)
I think everybody really will concede that on this, of all days, I should begin my speech with the words ‘My husband and I.'
Fielding Henry 1707-1754
Tom Jones
That monstrous animal, a husband and wife.
Holmes Oliver Wendell 1809-1894
Husband and wife come to look alike at last.
Jacob Fred
A good husband should always bore his wife.
Lovelace Richard 1618-1658
‘The Ant'
Forbear, thou great good husband, little ant.
Marie Queen of Rumania
Between husband and wife a shadow of courtship should always subsist.
Marx Groucho 1895-1977
The husband who wants a happy marriage should learn to keep his mouth shut and his chequebook open.
Murdoch Dame Iris
The Bell
Dora Greenfield left her husband because she was afraid of him. She decided six months later to return to him for the same reason.
Phillips Stephen 1864-1915
Ulysses
Behold me now
A man not old, but mellow, like good wine.
Not over-jealous, yet an eager husband.
Rowland Helen 1875-1950
A Guide to Men
A husband is what is left of a lover, after the nerve has been extracted.
Rowland Helen 1875-1950
The Rubaiyat of a Bachelor
Never trust a husband too far, nor a bachelor too near.
Shakespeare William 1564-1616
The Merchant of Venice
A light wife doth make a heavy husband.
Smith Stevie 1902-1971
Novel on Yellow Paper
If you cannot have your dear husband for a comfort and a delight, for a breadwinner and a crosspatch, for a sofa, chair or a hot-water
bottle, one can use him as a Cross to be Borne.
Tarkington Booth 1869-1946
An ideal wife is any woman who has an ideal husband.
Warner Charles Dudley 1829-1900
There isn't a wife in the world who has not taken the exact measure of her husband, weighed him and settled him in her own mind, and knows him as well as if she had ordered him after designs and specifications of her own.
Balzac Honoré De 1799-1850
The majority of husbands remind me of an orang-utan trying to play the violin.
Eliot George 1819-1880
The Mill on the Floss
I should like to know what is the proper function of women, if it is not to make reasons for husbands to stay at home, and still stronger reasons for bachelors to go out.
Maclaine Shirley
The best way to get husbands to do something, is to suggest that perhaps they are too old to do it.
Pope Alexander 1688-1744
The Rape of the Lock
Not louder shrieks to pitying heav'n are cast,
When husbands or when lapdogs breathe their last.
Shakespeare William 1564-1616
Othello
Let husbands know
Their wives have sense like them. They see, and smell.
And have their palates both for sweet and sour,
As husbands have.
Spettigue Doug
Husbands don't really count ... in the miracle of birth.
Tusser Thomas c.1524-1580
Five Hundred Points of Good Husbandry
Some respite to husbands the weather may send,
But housewives' affairs have never an end.
