Anonymous
Epperson's Law
When a man says it's a silly, childish game, it's probably something his wife can beat him at.
Austen Jane 1775-1817
Pride and Prejudice
It is a truth universally acknowledged, that a single man in possession of a good fortune, must be in want of a wife.
Backus Jim
Many a man owes his success to his first wife and his second wife to his success.
Bacon Francis 1561-1626
Essays ‘Of Marriage and the Single Life'
He that hath wife and children hath given hostages to fortune; for they are impediments to great enterprises, either of virtue or mischief.
Bacon Francis 1561-1626
The World
What is it them to have or have no wife,
But single thraldom, or a double strife?
The Bible (Authorized Version)
Old Testament: Genesis ch.2 v.24
Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh.
Borge Victor 1909-
Ah Mozart! He was happily married - but his wife wasn't.
Clare John 1793-1864
‘Child Harold'
They took me from my wife, and to save trouble
I wed again, and made the error double.
Cossman Joseph E.
The best way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it once.
Cunningham James Vincent 1911-1985
Epigrams
I married in my youth a wife.
She was my own, my very first.
She gave the best years of her life.
I hope nobody gets the worst.
Curtis Tony
I wouldn't be caught dead marrying a woman old enough to be my wife.
Durant Will 1885-1981
(on his 90th Birthday)
The love we have in our youth is superficial compared to the love
that an old man has for his old wife.
Fielding Henry 1707-1754
Tom Jones
That monstrous animal, a husband and wife.
Franklin Benjamin 1706-1790
Ne'er take a wife till though hast a house (and a fire) to put her in.
Franklin Benjamin 1706-1790
There are three faithful friends: an old wife, and old dog, and ready money.
Green Russell
A wife encourages her husband's egoism in order to exercise her own.
Guitry Sacha 1885-1957
An ideal wife is one who remains faithful to you but tries to be just as if she weren't.
Guitry Sacha 1885-1957
When a man steals your wife, there is no better revenge than to let him keep her.
Hardwicke Sir Cedric 1893-1964
I regard England as my wife and America as my mistress.
Hays Brooks
Back of every achievement is a proud wife and a surprised mother-in-law.
Heller Joseph 1923-
Something Happened
The company has a policy about getting laid.
It's okay ... Talking about getting laid is even more okay than doing it, but doing it is okay too, although talking about getting laid with your own wife is never okay.
Holmes Oliver Wendell 1809-1894
Husband and wife come to look alike at last.
Howe Edgar Watson
A man should be taller, older, heavier, uglier and hoarser than his wife.
Johnson Lyndon B. 1908-1973
Only two things are necessary to keep one's wife happy. One is to let her
think she is having her own way, and the other, to let her have it.
Johnson Samuel 1709-1784
A man is in general better pleased when he has a good dinner
upon his table, than when his wife talks Greek.
Jonson Ben c. 1573-1637
The Alchemist
If I have outstripped
An old man's gravity, or stict canon, think
What a young wife and a good brain may do:
Stretch age's truth sometimes, and crack it too.
Leapor Mary 1722-1746
‘An Essay on Woman'
Woman, a pleasing but a short-lived flower,
Too soft for business and too weak for power:
A wife in bondage, or neglected maid:
Despised, if ugly; if she's fair, betrayed.
Leigh Fred W. d. 1924
‘Waiting at the Church'
Here's the very note,
This is what he wrote -
‘Can't get away to marry you today,
My wife won't let me!'
Mcaulay Baron (Thomas Babington) 1800-1859
Essays ... „Moore's - Life of Lord Byron"
From the poetry of Lord Byron they drew a system of ethics, compounded of misanthropy and voluptuousness, a system in which the two great commandments were, to hate your neighbour, and to love your neighbour's wife.
Marie Queen of Rumania
Between husband and wife a shadow of courtship should always subsist.
Mill John Stuart 1806-1873
The Subjection of Women
No slave is a slave to the same lengths, and in so
full a sense of the word, as a wife is.
Ogilvy David 1911-
(advice to advertising copywriters)
The consumer is not a moron; she's your wife.
Pearson Lester 1897-1972
(defining attitude toward U.S.)
The situation is one something like living with your wife. Sometimes it is difficult and even irritating to live with her, but it is always impossible to live without her.
Pepys Samuel 1633-1703
Diary
My wife, who, poor wretch, is troubled with her lonely life.
Peter Laurence 1910-1990
The cave-dweller's wife complained that he hadn't
dragged her anywhere in months.
Philip Prince, Duke of Edinburgh 1921-
When a man opens the car door for his wife, it's either a new car or a new wife.
Shaffer Peter
Equus
All my wife has ever taken from the Mediterranean - from that whole vast intuitive culture - are four bottles of Chianti to make into lamps.
Shakespeare William 1564-1616
The Merchant of Venice
A light wife doth make a heavy husband.
Spring-Rice Sir Cecil 1859-1918
The Masque of Balliol
I am the Dean of Christ Church, Sir:
There's my wife; look well at her.
She's the Broad and I'm the High;
We are the university.
Surtees R.S. 1805-1864
Mr Facey Romford's Hounds
Everyone knows that the real business of a ball is either to look out for a
wife, to look after a wife, or to look after somebody else's wife.
Taylor Bishop Jeremy 1613-1667
Sermons ‘Married Love'
He that loves not his wife and children, feeds a lioness
at home and broods a nest of sorrows.
Tennyson Alfred Lord 1809-1892
In Memoriam A.H.H.
O Sorrow, wilt thou live with me
No casual mistress, but a wife.
Trollope Anthony 1815-1882
Phineas Redux
What man thinks of changing himself so as to suit wife? And yet men expect that women shall put on altogether new characters when they are married, and girls think that they can do so.
Warner Charles Dudley 1829-1900
There isn't a wife in the world who has not taken the exact measure of her husband, weighed him and settled him in her own mind, and knows him as well as if she had ordered him after designs and specifications of her own.